I haven’t had many different jobs in my life, but I’ve always worked. When my oilfield man took the job this past June, I’d been technically unemployed for 3 months. I felt so guilty to not be contributing monetarily, though I was happy to finally be with my kids. I thought being a stay-at-home mom would be so natural, but really it’s been like learning a whole new career. Here’s a few things I’ve learned:
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I don’t hate cleaning as much as I thought I did. My ineptitude at keeping house is EPIC. It was really easy to blame it on working full time or being pregnant or having a baby, etc etc, but the truth was that I hate to clean and because my mother is a clean freak it was a small passive-aggressive snub at her (paging Dr. Freud).
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…but it’s a lot harder than I thought it was. Yes, I do have two little boys and they are GREAT excuses as to why my house doesn’t look like something out of Town and Country but seriously, I didn’t realize how much you need to constantly clean. At this moment all the tidy organized women are laughing at me, and they should. When I lived alone, cleaning was something I did one Saturday per month when the place disgusted me. Yes, I have actually looked at a sink full of dirty dishes and opted to eat out. Oddly enough, taking two little boys to a restaurant is MUCH less pleasant than doing dishes every day.
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I have to sweep the floor every day. Every. Single. Day. How is that possible?? My house has concrete floors throughout, but when I think about the places I lived with carpet and I only vacuumed once a month, I throw up a little in my mouth. Other things that have to happen daily: one entire bag of trash to take out, dishes, laundry. I’m still mystified at what we did or how we lived before I did these things daily!
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I’m lazy. Yep. Total sloth, right here. I had these visions of SAHM being about gardening, crafts crafting with the kids, going places, and never sitting down. Yes, there is some of that. But then there are days where keeping up with the daily cleaning tasks and dealing with bills or schedules is all I get done. I have a friend who home schools her kid, milks goats, tends an organic garden, cans veggies, makes her own venison sausage and makes paper dresses for her daughter- all before breakfast. I’m not that girl. It’s taken me a few months to get over that insecurity, but that ain’t me. And my boys luckily don’t want to design their own fashions.
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For a strong, independent, women’s-libber, I’m surprisingly happy. I don’t mean to say only women should stay home or even need to or anything like that. I don’t want to ruffle any feminist’s panties here, but there is a certain logic to this way of life. Granted, it took me a while to be comfortable with it. When OFM first left, I thought that if he was on the clock, then I needed to be-after all, it’s only fair, right? I kind of drove myself batty feeling inadequate and looking for things to do. I’ve finally gotten a groove where some days are more productive than others and that’s ok.
I feel like staying home has solved a lot of any resentment that previously occurred over housework. Having our responsibilities clearly defined has helped keep a lot of peace. He deals with bosses, co-workers, traveling, and sleeping in a strange bed more than his own bed. I’m the home support crew, the personal assistant, the travel agent, AND mom. And I’m great with that.
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